Making new friends...

I hit the wall last week..well and truly!
 Yes , a smidgen of  it was to do with the thing I knew I'd stress about as I'd left it till the last minute...but it was heavier and felt bigger than that.
Something I've been working towards for the last 9 months with excitement and eagerness now felt rubbish, and I was quite up for jacking it all in. That in itself scared me!
I sugar coated this heaviness with postive thoughts....you know the likes.... "It'll work out all right in the end"..."It's just an off day", "I'll feel better in the morning"....
But the feeling remained, and to add to it I managed to strain my back (while sitting?!Agony!)) and my hands came out in this wierd itchy rash.
What the heck.....

Loumora.com

At times like this I've learned there is really only one thing to do, and despite our natural instinct to flee from ALL uncomfortableness, (already done with no success! ), the answer is to dive in and FEEL.....
So I did.

And who should I meet as I dived in to feel...but this tiny little huddled up fear called Failure.
The relief was immediate.
Turns out just a simple acknowledgment was all this fear wanted.

All I could think of was why hadn't I done this days ago?!

Digging  deeper it was clear my fear of  Failure was in some serious need of a hug and some love, because despite it trying to change and grow in the situation, it was struggling to let go of  the only things it knows..which is to protect me ...and to be afraid of failing.
*sigh*
So I sent some love as well as hug upon hug...and what would you know..........we became friends. And the Failure fear revealed to me that it really wouldn't need to show up if something new, exciting and expansive wasn't being attempted.

Tarafirma

Hmmm interesting.....and as I let these words sink in, my new friend began to disappear and be replaced by Possibility and Courage.
The heaviness feeling had lifted and yep!shortly after my back eased up and my hands lost their itch.
The wall had been climbed over.


So now I finish off the last little bits before heading down to London, with excitement and anticipation restored.
Who knows what will happen...truth is it doesn't really matter. But I'm all for making friends with the uncomfy bits, the parts yet to reveal themselves, the uncertainty and unknown.
Because that's where the magic is and this is the life I've chosen.
Can I get a hell yeah?! ...

Thanks Rachel Castle!

XX

A song burst of celebration!

Its been 2 years today, two years since I left midwifery and became a self employed artist.
Just writing that feels pretty amazing.

New card design that's gone off to the printers.

                       
It's quite a feeling to remember the lead up to that date and the utter fear of failure (and being poor!) that surrounded it, and to be sitting here now knowing that everything has worked out beautifully so far.

I had a dream during the "fear" phase where I told myself to write down a list of all the miraculous things that have happened in my life ( I get the odd "prophetic" dream so am inclined to listen!) I'm grateful I did, because once I'd searched my memory for all the things that had occurred/ magically happened/ worked out in miraculous ways, I was overwhelmed with the proof that life really is set up for good things and that it conspires to have it all work out for us!
The "fear" phase left pretty swiftly after that.

There have been other phases of course...the "excited but really have no idea which direction where I'm going but I'll just keep creating and put my name down for a Trade Fair even though I don't know what I want to sell yet "phase. Surprisingly that worked out.

"Phase 1" 2012

Then there was the "blimey these stitched pieces seem to be going down well so I guess I'll sell them and go to a Trade Fair too" phase...that worked out also! 

"Phase 2" 2013

Now I find myself back at the Trade Fair scenario for year 3, but it's a new phase called the "realising winging it is maybe not the greatest business model, so having a little more purpose,clarity and direction is a good thing...and I'll launch my new work at Pulse Trade Fair 2014" phase. (or Phase 3!)
Hmmm feels like the best phase yet...and I'm kind of hoping the track record keeps its momentum ...that things works out too :)

I've never considered likening my business to the growth that we experience, but I'm realising that's precisely what my business and I have been experiencing together....birth, vulnerable and still developing, exploring/touching/tasting everything, first steps, starting to walk, learning as we go, making better decisions, maturing a little.....
I don't think we're much further than that....but not bad considering we're only 2!
And I have to say I'm so delighted and thankful to be here, because the prospect of the future and the rest of our growing together is really exciting, and so much BIGGER than what I could have imagined at the start of this journey 2 years ago.

So yes, I'm celebrating!
I also have to end by sharing the other phase I've entered , inspired by receiving not 1 but 2 of these diaries as crimbo pressies. (I did tell you I am "inclined to listen"!).....

Designed by Rachel Bright

The "becoming ruler of the universe and eating cake " phase (otherwise known as "Phase 4"). Oh yes! Consider yourselves duly warned ;)xx

Hello 2014!

So it's back to "auld claes (old clothes) and porridge" as my Granny would say, for the holidays are well and truly over.
I've been spending the last few days taking stock of what 2013 has brought, dreams fulfilled, lessons learned and improvements required. I tell you it's been quite a year! One which I am so grateful for, as here I am a year later with quite a different view of the world  and an exuberance that I've not felt before! 2014, you are going to ROCK!



The start of 2013 took me to Glasgow Trade Fair with my textile pieces. The ensuing months became filled with stitching and MORE stitching . Six months of fulfilling orders, as well as preparing for my first ever Gallery exhibition (a solo exhibition at that), culminated in a sewing overload and  required a serious re-think as to what exactly I wanted from this creative business of mine.

Summer brought blazing sunshine and a beam to any shadows in need of blasting!Aaah, I am a sunshine girl for sure.
Late summer heralded a new chapter, as my youngest started school, which brought some letting go and opening up...a new space was created for experimenting, developing and designing. This became the quiet and introspective balance to the frenetic beginning of the year.

2013 also saw my dream of getting published realised..more than once in fact! A delicious treat of an experience and one to be recommended to all!
Not sure I can say the same for turning 40 (ha!), but it brought the treat of time away , just me and Stu ...and plans/dreams for what's next on the homefront.

My big girl disappeared and a young woman showed in place, first exams were sat and new challenges met with courage. My little girl grew also, teeth fell out and tooth fairies visited..I do declare she may finally be getting to grips with wearing clothes too!

Of course, oh so much more ...a full and beautiful year!Thankyou 2013. So very much.

I feel so much excitement for what this year will bring. I'm so aware that seeds need time to be planted and to germinate, but with prudence and care the time comes for growth and harvest. I'll be planting plenty more seeds this year, but I'm also showing up for some harvesting! yeeha!
I'm heading to London's Pulse Trade Fair in May with a whole batch of new goodies to launch into the world. I've never felt prouder of what I've created and can't wait to show you.
Stu and I are working on our house to get it ready for selling too. That bit of land is waiting, it's a-calling us to it!
There is more, but room needs to be left for the delights of life that wants to show up by themselves....you know,the ones that are so sublime we can't even imagine them up?
Yes...2014 bring on the Rockin'! xx

Thinking outside the box

You can't get more literal in "thinking outside the box" when it comes to living in a home which moves away from the traditional idea of a house and what constitutes a "home".

"Train car" from tinylife.com

I've always been inspired and fascinated by things that step outside the boundaries of the norm. As a result , when it comes to living spaces I have found myself over the years staying or living in all kinds of places , including yurt, boat house, vintage caravan, teepee and even ambulance!

What I think I love most about  living in a "not quite the norm" home is the vision and and creativity that's required to first design /build/adapt it.

 And next the innovation it inspires to make full use of the space available (which in my experience has been pretty small!)

Inside!! Wowzer!

What I have also found with most homes outside the norm (and my other fave bit) is that nature becomes the largest part of the home...there's no back garden but rather the home extends into the nature that surrounds it and stretches as infinitely as the sky you can see!   

Treehouse at Alnwick  photo credits: Maia Blair  taken on our recent holiday. AMAZING!

And how's that for an entrance to the front door! (Alnwick treehouse) Photo credits:Maia Blair

 Its been a dream of  Stu and mine to design and build our own home, a tailor made nest that fits our family perfectly. We are very blessed that Stu has the skills, knowledge and experience to do this.

 A lot of time has been spent  imagining this home, and it's tended to go along the lines of.. grand ,open plan ,spacious,light and big windows, (think Grand Design type) one of which would require nothing short of a lottery win! However it recently dawned on us both that in truth this is not really a match for us and was really just continuing to remain "inside the box" 

And as providence would have it an opportunity out of the blue came to us just before the holidays to buy a little piece of woodland!! 

Alas this piece of woodand was not for us, the planing permission wasn't up to spec for what we would like to use it for...(think tree house meets log cabin!). But what we came away with was the utter joy and excitement that a dream of ours is completely achievable and within our reach....without a lottery win either!

So we are biding our time knowing that the right bit of land will come along at the right time and we'll be jumping on it.....and a new home will be created that matches perfectly the creative life we lead! :)

And funnily enough what keeps showing up are reminders of this....

True originality can be found in the most unusual of ways....(thanks Em for the share) ..check the inspiring story out here.

 There are waaaaay more inspirational homes and images to look at out there ...I dare you to go look ! ;)

Birdie plates!

I'll quickly swing past the fact I haven't been around for a few weeks (it's been October school break) and still haven't got xmas cards to show (printers getting something fixed)... and jump straight into talking plates! I've had a growing collection of miss-matched plates for some time now, some vintage, others just in need of rescuing from the local thrift shop and given some love. The plan was to add my own designs either using decals or ceramic pen/paints. 

As with most intended projects, the plates have gathered dust  (hangs head in suitable shame!)...but I did paint some little designs over the summer hols with plates in mind ,which I thought I would share.

This has a painted background and digital coloured bird in the foreground. Experimenting again! It's called "The great escape" 

I've mocked it up roughly on a plate below........too nice to eat off of I think!

plate photo:Photo: Kristina Schuster (Flickr)

This second design is entirely paint and aimed entirely to make the eyes zing!It's called "morning glory". 

Below is another quick mock up.......

Loving the colours against the porcelain! And feeling suitable inspired to dusting off that neglected crockery! x

Finding the groove!

It's only on days when you wake up clear and relaxed and happily anticipating the unfolding of the day that you get a glimmer of just how upside down life has been!
Thinking of all the mini events that have happened since the summer holidays ended  it becomes obvious why I've been feeling far from my usual "relaxed" self!
Events go from having labyrnthitis (again?crappo!) to amazing shop sales (over 30 items in 3 days wowzer!)...with various interludes in between such as croup, house decorating, work schedules, birthdays,school changing to full days etc etc...

It's safe to say, the main thing has been about a re-jig of life and pace ...my family as a whole undergoing changes, ones that are making room for us all to grow,but that are creating some real growing pains! There's bound to be more tweaks required and adjustments made before things start to feel that easy comfortable way. However taking the foot off the accelerator definitely helps ...and Stu and I got the chance to do this over the weekend with a luxurious trip away...... a whole day and night WITHOUT the kids.Oh my!

It was under the guise of a birthday trip, a treat arranged where Stu and I could disappear off on a little adventure, just the two of us. Alone. Together. *Sigh!

Nature and remoteness was a-calling, which living in Scotland is quick to provide....the thing I cherish most about this home of mine.

We adventured and talked, walked and  laughed, drove and dreamed of whats next. 

The parenting second nature of always looking behind to make sure all stragglers are close behind, or not touching something that shouldn't, was remarkably quick to go! 

We had soon set a pace of our own, a familiar one but slightly forgotten....heading further into the hills and highlands.

The view from our hotel window in Ballachulish. Bliss!

Night time journey home from our fresh seafood dinner.

Even though we had such a short trip it was so lovely to re-connect and remember "us". It is all too easy to let kids and life take precedence. It also gave room for us take stock of the incredible abundance that blesses our lives and the amazing things that have unfolded for us and our little family. I for one, definitely returned with a groove to my step!

So happy I can't even open my eyes haha! 

A windy drive home...with the cobwebs well and truly blown out.

And talking of "groove", I just have to share what made me beam from ear to ear during my suffering of labrynthitis ..this edited video......http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBXv37PFcAQ

ps.I want an afro and am currently perfecting my dance moves  xx

Treasuring you - reflections and dreams

I've missed posting a couple of "treasuring you's", but the turn of a bright new year brings with it the perfect opportunity for reflecting and dreaming!
                                              

 Have you taken a moment or two to take in all that 2012 has brought? What you have learned and achieved? What has been dreamed into reality?.....and equally as important where you want the road ahead to take you in 2013?  :)
Susannah Conway has a perfect workbook, should you like a little prompting..click here!
(And remember my free feathery 'flights of fancy' printable is available here!)

For me, it's hard to put into words just how life changing 2012 has been, and how blessed and abundant my life feels as a result. Truly amazing..it blows my socks off just thinking about it!

My word for 2012 was "LIBERATION", and while I didn't pay too much attention to this once the intention was set...this year HAS been a real journey towards freedom. Sounds a tad cliched, I know...but I can explain it no other way!
The biggie and most obvious part being that I left my post as a midwife... and rather than simply changing "jobs" to that of being a self employed artist, I set the intention of  changing the way I lived my life. I wanted the WHOLE of it to be more authentic, creative and true... without getting bogged down by the should's, the "right ways", the limiting fears....
 Let me tell you , there were PLENTY of all the aforementioned gremlins to begin with! But with time , lots of quiet space delving inwards, and letting things naturally unfold, the gremlins quietened down and in replacement a trust began to grow.....a glimmer towards knowing that everything really IS good!  :) ......Liberation indeed!

Along side this, my girls have continued their blossoming, and I have had the true trump card of flexibility to nurture them AND me! Skye starts Primary school this summer and the feeling that they are only little for such a short precious time is paramount...I'm soaking in every moment.

My sweetest Stu also began his own business, following his heart and love of working with wood. Initially the gremlins surfaced loud and in full force on this one too...eek!both of us self employed in this current state of "economic crisis"!? ...but once more with quiet contemplation the space was created to trust and the limitations were released. Again it became clearer EVERYTHING is GOOOOOOD! :)  And it is! And for that I am deep. down. whole. heartedly. grateful.



The word that keeps presenting itself to me for 2013 is 'EXPANSION'.
Not in the sense of "worldwide business booming" expansion (though that wouldn't be entirely un-agreeable!Ha!) More in the sense of expanding further in all the areas I described before. A deepening of trust,  love, creativity, happiness. More time spent looking outwards, not just inwards....more adventures, more connections. Expanding, growing.

                               

Yippee! Feeling on top of the world :)

So if you've made it this far I'd love to hear your word of the year.....and how 2012 treated you? HUGE hugs xx