Wednesday, 7 May 2014

Making new friends...

I hit the wall last week..well and truly!
 Yes , a smidgen of  it was to do with the thing I knew I'd stress about as I'd left it till the last minute...but it was heavier and felt bigger than that.
Something I've been working towards for the last 9 months with excitement and eagerness now felt rubbish, and I was quite up for jacking it all in. That in itself scared me!
I sugar coated this heaviness with postive thoughts....you know the likes.... "It'll work out all right in the end"..."It's just an off day", "I'll feel better in the morning"....
But the feeling remained, and to add to it I managed to strain my back (while sitting?!Agony!)) and my hands came out in this wierd itchy rash.
What the heck.....

Loumora.com

At times like this I've learned there is really only one thing to do, and despite our natural instinct to flee from ALL uncomfortableness, (already done with no success! ), the answer is to dive in and FEEL.....
So I did.

And who should I meet as I dived in to feel...but this tiny little huddled up fear called Failure.
The relief was immediate.
Turns out just a simple acknowledgment was all this fear wanted.

All I could think of was why hadn't I done this days ago?!

Digging  deeper it was clear my fear of  Failure was in some serious need of a hug and some love, because despite it trying to change and grow in the situation, it was struggling to let go of  the only things it knows..which is to protect me ...and to be afraid of failing.
*sigh*
So I sent some love as well as hug upon hug...and what would you know..........we became friends. And the Failure fear revealed to me that it really wouldn't need to show up if something new, exciting and expansive wasn't being attempted.
Tarafirma

Hmmm interesting.....and as I let these words sink in, my new friend began to disappear and be replaced by Possibility and Courage.
The heaviness feeling had lifted and yep!shortly after my back eased up and my hands lost their itch.
The wall had been climbed over.


So now I finish off the last little bits before heading down to London, with excitement and anticipation restored.
Who knows what will happen...truth is it doesn't really matter. But I'm all for making friends with the uncomfy bits, the parts yet to reveal themselves, the uncertainty and unknown.
Because that's where the magic is and this is the life I've chosen.
Can I get a hell yeah?! ...


XX

8 comments:

  1. HELL YEAH!!!
    Jenny, Jenny,Jenny… I feel for you - hugs ;)x
    That's a classic fear/failure back strain injury - do some yoga :)
    Completely get what you're saying - I visit the same stop on the journey regularly myself! Pulse is going to be EPIC for you - don't you doubt it - and if you don't get even one order (which you WILL) at least you will not have any regrets.
    You don't even need big knickers either - you've got this sorted - hell yeah! Looking forward to reading all about it :)))
    xxx

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    1. :) Thanks so much Claire ,for your lovely words and hell yeah hugs! x

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  2. way to go Jenny!
    you definitely get a HELL YEAH from me over here in Canada!
    go out there and be the brave, inspiring, amazing woman you are....I know GREAT things will happen!

    p.s. thanks for this amazing post!!!

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    1. Thankyou so much Christy (knew it was you ;)!) xx

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    2. I thought the Canada connection might have given me away :) xxoo

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  3. p.s. seems I am commenting from my hubby's comment somehow.....not sure how to fix it...this is Christy here!!! xo

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